Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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