I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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