you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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