when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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