I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
