ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
