maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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