Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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