You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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