you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
