Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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