the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
