I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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