sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
