At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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