Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
