i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
