Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My bed smells like the plague
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