Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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