We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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