real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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