i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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