What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
