Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
me + whiskey = a bad person
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
