the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
