fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
