she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
