too bad you live with your parents still
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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