i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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