Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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