Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
