but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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