K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
