my mouth tastes like poor choices
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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