in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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