imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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