my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
