I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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