piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The uberlube is also flammable
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
