How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
