he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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