she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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