hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
