I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
