he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
