TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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