Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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