Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
