He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
