Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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