i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
