Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
