if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
