I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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