Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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