I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
