if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize