He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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