Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
