At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
