Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
