I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
