Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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