girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
