its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
