well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
